MY BROKEN FENCES

MY BROKEN FENCES

My Broken Fences is the only title that keeps going through my mind when I first started my journey of sharing my experiences about my childhood. Why? Because this is what I felt when my parents separated. Imagine with me if you will, you're driving pass a wonderful looking home and you notice the nice yard with lovely trees. You see the two story home with a very nice garden on the front porch. You see the nice windows with clear glass and colorful drapes on the inside. There are kids playing outside in the yard and oh yes; the white picket fence. Not a crack or a break can be found. The fence is a barrier and protection for the family. It keeps unwanted four legged visitors out and the children from the dangers of traffic. Everything is the way it supposed to be.

This is a subject that has been so dear to my heart. I not only sympathize with those children that have been victims of a broken home; but I have lived through a family of divorce and separation. We often think of Divorce and separation as only having an effect on a particular household but it has an effect on all those around you aunts, uncles, cousins but mainly the children because their security is broken we cannot make decisions for ourselves. That's what we look to our Parents for and all those who have reared you from a baby on up those familiar faces you grow up around. I decided to share my journey with you so that I can not only free myself of things that I have held onto for years feelings that I never shared only because I was too afraid to share them with others and also to let others know especially children that they are not alone.

I woke up this morning thinking about how families have allowed divorce to separate them in so many ways. Not seeing each other, not writing each other, not calling one another. Sometime not knowing too much about each other or what they have become as a person. I think of my family often. We have been separated for so many years. But I still think about my family, my cousins, my aunts, my uncles. I keep a lot of my memories bottled up, good and bad.

There is so much separation because of unforgiveness and I believe the source of it really begins with our parents. Over the years I have heard and seen so many things and still don't understand why is it so hard to forgive one another. When my parents separated it seemed like there was so much squabbling and judgement and blame going on that we forgot how to love one another and how at one time we were all so close and united. Divorce didn't just separate some of us it separated all of us.

Divorce does not only effect the home but it effects the community as a whole. The little girl who lost a friend because her friends family relocated, the boy who lost a playing buddy because of the separation. The mom who have to work and go back to school to make more money,taking away her time from the children because of the divorce. And the dad who needs to get another job because of child support and moving out of the home in most cases, which takes away his time from his kids. There are many issue's that come into play when divorce is made the only option and it takes a long time before we see the whole effects on our children. Most of the time these issues do not reveal itself during the time of the divorce but long after the papers are signed do we start to see what has really happened. And after it surfaces its far too late to deal with it in an simple way.

Divorce is never an easy thing but there are some families who can manage to come to some kind of understanding or common ground and others don't, but the children are the ones who are the most effected. Children tend to blame themselves and feel as
if they are the cause. We as parents can help our children by learning to put aside our differences, and by allowing our children to see that we can come together then it will make things easier for everyone especially our children.